She and Ron
by mangotango101
Summary: Hermione writes her feelings about Ron in a journal, and tries her best to cope with heartbreak. Set in HBP.


**Hey there! Yes, I'm back, but not with Tonks and Lupin. I'll work on that one as soon as I upload this. Promise. Anyway, I've been going through a hard time lately, and just needed to write about it, because there is no other way to get it all out. So basically, this is almost a carbon-copy of my life right now. I'm Hermione. The difference is: Lavender is actually my best friend in real life.**

**Also, The anecdotes are what used to be with the guy I'm in love with, but I just "Wizardized" them. So, read and weep (I know I do!)**

**Disclaimer: JKR still owns all the characters, but I just get to play with them.**

The common room door flew open. Ron and Lavender tumbled through, laughing. Ron swept Lavender into his arms, and planted a kiss on her lips. She giggled. Hermione watched from the couch, feeling the rage and jealousy bubble up inside her.

Hermione couldn't take it, and stalked up to her room. She plopped on her bed, and began writing in her journal:

I love him. Every time I see him, my heart flutters like crazy, my stomach is in knots, and when he looks at me, I can't even explain it. I just, I feel like I can see into his soul. And now she's here. She's taking him away from me. When they laugh together and when they talk, oh, I just want to murder her.

We used to be so close. He could tell me anything, and I could tell him anything. We talked for hours at night. I helped him through when he was being down on himself. I picked up after someone shattered his heart. And now, he shows me no gratitude. As soon as he started going out with Lavender, he's stopped caring. It's like I don't exist anymore. It's just Lavender this Lavender that. He used to be a constant in my life. He was always there. But now, nothing.

He gave me the best hugs. They were strong, and they made me feel safe – like nothing could ever hurt me. We'd cuddle, and we'd have awkward conversations. And now, he gives me the crappiest hugs anyone has seen. He thinks that it makes me happy to get awful hugs, because they're a hug. But no, it makes me die inside. He won't look into my eyes, he won't talk to me, and every conversation revolves around her.

He tries to tell me that I still matter to him, but I can't believe it. He says that I'll always be his best friend, and that he will always care for me, but it's getting harder and harder to convince myself. He says that we can't hug or anything because he doesn't want people to get the wrong idea. He said that all his free time will be spent with her, because she's his first priority. God, it makes me ill.

I have to look at her bedside table in the morning, and it's covered in sticky-parchments with little notes like "you make me smile" or "you're open" or "you're sweet". They make me want to rip them from her night table and put one of my own "you don't know him". She acts like she knows what's best for him, but they weren't friends until this year. I'm the one who's been tried and true, and she just came in. She has no right telling me some things that she does, and it makes me want to slap her and say "since when did _you_ become his mother? You don't know him. You don't know the first thing about him. You don't understand who he is, and you don't understand that there is someone that is in Love with him, and wishing that you never existed because then he would be mine." I just want me best friend back, and I want him back for real.

Every time I see then together, my heart breaks. I'm starting to lose the will to live. He used to be the reason I got myself out of bed in the morning, and sadly enough, he still is. Every time I see them talking, or laughing, it's like someone punched my gut. He said I would be his first kiss. He said he loved me. He said I would always be his best friend. He said he'd come back to me. He said…

Hermione set aside her journal, sobbing too hard to see the page in front of her. Her hands were shaking so much, she couldn't write. She tried to fall asleep, but flashbacks just kept popping up in her head. One after another, and bombardment of memories she didn't need.

_We were both young when I first saw you  
I close my eyes  
And the flashback starts_

She and Ron on the couch in the common room, his arms were tightly around her shoulders, and she has her head resting on his shoulder. He turned his head and lightly kissed the top of her head.

She and Ron between classes, talking, and he was making her laugh and she felt elated.

She and Ron on his bed in his room, lying on his bed, talking, enjoying each other's company.

She and Ron sitting together on one squashy chair in the common room. She was on his lap, they were holding hands and he was nuzzling her neck.

She and Ron sitting at a table doing homework while he shot furtive looks at her.

She and Ron fighting, but always making up with a hug.

She and Ron hugging at Platform Nine and Three Quarters at the end of the year.

She and Ron hugging when she appeared at his house in the summer.

She and Ron on a broom, and he was holding her waist so she wouldn't fall.

She and Ron having a meaningless banter about something or other.

She and Ron on a couch and she was leaning on him, spreading out over the couch.

She and Ron hugging, she not wanting to ever let go.

She and Ron hugging, and she getting intoxicated by his scent.

She and Ron asking awkward questions, and breaking the tension with a funny story or joke.

She and Ron making eye contact with tension so thick someone could cut it with a knife.

She and Ron in a corridor laughing after he picked her up from class.

She and Ron sitting together in the Great Hall.

She and Ron in the hospital wing, after some mishap or another.

She and Ron…

It was all too much for her, and she was sobbing, and shaking, and wishing so much that Ron would come and find her and hold her in his arms and whisper in her ear that he was hers now. – that there was no more Lavender.

Hermione cried herself to sleep for the umpteenth time, and had vivid dreams about Ron and what he makes her feel. She couldn't even escape him at night. Honestly, she couldn't care, because it was in her dreams when she finally got what she wanted – what she needed. To have Ron to herself, to wipe away her tears, and never hurt her again. Ever.

**I hope you enjoyed, and to anyone who has felt heartbreak, it sucks, and I'm in the same boat as you. I'm just waiting, but it's hard. So anyway, please review, and I'll see you soon with Tonks and Lupin!! ~Mangotango101**


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